You were Good to me until you Weren't
Hello World!
In this blog post, I want to talk about my time living in Portland, Jamaica.
In September 2020, I applied for a Visual Arts teacher job at a Portland high school. Even until I got accepted for the job, I still didn't think I would ever become a teacher and I definitely didn't think I would be living all the way at the eastern end of the island. I took this opportunity for adventure and my best friend and I moved to Long Bay, Portland in October 2020. This was the first time I was living independently and it was scary.
What I loved the most about my new home was that I lived near the beach. I loved walking to the beach whenever I felt like it. The closest beach was Long Bay Beach. Knowing I have access to beaches made me full of pride and I intentionally post myself at the beach just to show off sometimes 😌
Another thing I loved was the air. The air was fresh and healthy; I could feel the difference whenever I travelled. But what I loved the most was how quiet it was. In this silence, I found peace and peace of mind. I didn't know what that felt like until I had it. When I felt it, I cherished it.
Growing up, I hid my trauma behind good behaviour and people-pleasing. People always saw me as a 'good Christian girl' because that's the person I had to be to survive. I was an excellent sheep. Gaining independence and peace of mind allowed me to let my guard down and I began to explore and discover myself. I started to learn about who I am and what my personality was like. I started learning about what I like and don't like and learned to respect them.
Not only did I learn about myself in my moments of solitude, but I also formed relationships that taught me a lot too. I never expected to form such close friendships, wonderful comradery or even intimate connections, but I did! This part of my life was like....a pleasant surprise :). I've met people whom I felt like I have known all my life; like we had some form of connection in a past life and I've had three of those. I went to parties, stayed out as late as I wanted, wore what I wanted, and did whatever I wanted to do. It was a time to be alive!
Change is the only constant in our lives. Many of us hate change and resist it by ignoring the signs that it's time for a change. I never planned to stay in Portland for a long time and after my second year of living there, things started to go downhill. And it's not because of things that I did, it's just that the time for me to move on was drawing nearer and nearer. I realised that I began to get complacent and that scared me. I wasn't where I wanted to be in my life and I was getting comfortable with it. I started to feel stagnant and the routine became annoying. I was constantly stressed, and fatigued and I started disliking my life. Then there were the external factors.
Despite my friendships and connections, I still felt like I didn't belong. So many things happened in 4 months. September 2023 there were issues with my landlord that made me feel uncomfortable. My grandmother died in early November and then I was disrespected by a coworker later on in the same month. I resigned soon after and stopped working at the end of December. If I didn't, I know I would have made sure I didn't see the rest of 2024.
Life is too short and there was no way I was living it miserably. I forced myself to take charge of my life. I'm still going through the transition that was jumpstarted by these events and I'll definitely blog about this process in the future.
I recently moved back to my childhood home in Manchester. This move is bittersweet. I've begun to miss the life I left behind and the people I shared many good times with. There are sooo many more things about my time in Portland that I could talk about! Despite the negative experiences I had in the latter part of my stay, Portland will forever hold a special place in my heart. It was where I entered the world, where I became an adult, a woman. The place where I discovered and evolved into my true self. It's my very first home and my favourite safe space and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Lael
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